Why oh why do I pick jobs that go nowhere? I spent the last 2 years working my ass off in support, picked up a new role and did all the legwork to get the pricing and hosting done for another project. I assumed that this would qualify me to head up the project and continue on working on the project.

Well, I was wrong. Every job I seem to get puts me in the "worker bee" role. I'm so sick and tired of being the low man on the totem pole. Of doing all the damn work and having others around me get promoted on my merits.

I have more than 10 years of experience in my industry and it sickens me to have less qualified people with no vision in these roles. I guess it's time to do what I always do when this happens, stick it out 'til I find another job.

Well, it's now February, I'm 30 years old and I still feel like I'm 60. I'm not really going anywhere in my job, I've gained weight, back at 190ish now and about the only good thing I have to look forward to is the birth of my son.

I hope I can stick it out for another 20 years or so till he at least gets out of the house and onto a life (hopefully better than mine was).

I'm tired of being depressed, happy, depressed, happy...I'm sick of medication, sick of drinking, sick of feeling unfulfilled and generally sick of life. I'm living on about a decade of borrowed time and I've really got nothing to show for it except a "mini-me".

I predict that I'm going to be hard pressed to "fake it" for the next couple decades, but I have to try, at least for the sake of my child.

Here's hoping he's different than me...and by a lot..

Two years later, here I am. Still married with a kid on the way. Ryan jr. is due on May 24ish right now, but we'll see. I'm lookign forward to being a parent, but I haven't quite accepted the "reality" of it all yet.

Anywho, it's been a while since I've posted here and I doubt anyone but me reads this damn thing, so..that's it for now.



EOD

Tomorrow is my last day at work. Despite the last posting, I stuck it out and dealt with all of the mess for a few weeks until I grabbed another job. After all, it is much more difficult to find work when you are out of work.

My first day of my new job is 11/1/2006. I am taking a week off to get myself in the "mood" for this job and to arrange my workspace at home. Yes, I am working at home. THANK GOD. No more workplace bullshit, no more commute, hell..no more shitty lunches. I can make kickass shit at home and just forget to buy the healthy choice garbage I've been buying.

On a side note, my weight seems to have stabilized at around 180. I've got about another 10-20 lbs to lose, but since I'll be at home, I can spend mornings jogging instead of rushing around getting ready for work and then commuting for 30 mins through gridlock. I am REALLY looking forward to this job.

I've had tremendous heartburn over the last few days, but I've taken some pepcid at night with sominex to sleep, and that seems to work. I'm also going easy on the booze. Haven't had a drink since Tuesday and I'm going to continue that trend until at least next Tuesday (little test I'm going through for the wife).

I think that's it right now. Oh yeah, and I'm taking classes at the University of Phoenix for my Masters of Information Systems. I'm in my 3rd week right now and if I keep up this pace I'll finish on 12/10/2007. A year of shit for a Masters? SOLD!



EOD

Well..it's almost official, but I'm quitting my job.

Been dealing with way too much bullshit over the last few months at this POS company.

When I first started, I got a general orientation and guess what? I had no boss for about 2 weeks. It all went pretty much downhill after that.

My boss gave me things to do and I was second guessed the entire time. And then what happens? He quits. Moves to North Carolina, leaves no documentation on how to do his job. So, being the only one there qualified, I apply. I get turned down but no big deal, I figure, they'll hire another hands-on IT manager and we'll be good. Right? Wrong.

They hire an IT Director. For a fucking 2 person IT staff. A director...Well in case you don't know, directors supervise managers, and so, if there are no managers, wtf is a director doing there? Then..this is great..the guy says he'll start August 7th. Well, a week before he is supposed to start, he calls in and says, I can't make it for another 3 weeks. So, now, that's another 3 weeks of shit I have to deal with solo.

On top of everything else, I've been given the tasks that my old manager had to do. Things like EDI and managing store orders. Well guess what? I'm not a fucking manager, I'm an employee. Just because your fuckup of a new-hire decided to postpone starting, doesn't mean that I get to do his work for him while he's not here.

The thing that gets me the most about this entire company is that no one communicates. I never even knew they hired a director until someone mentioned it to me in passing. And guess what? I told them we needed a manager and the C.O.O AGREED with me. So WTF is a director doing here? And WHY was I never involved in the process? Why does a company have a server room without decent air flow, no backup strategy, no documented procedures, fuck..not even a network use policy?? Me and the other guy had to create a network use policy.

Why do they spend millions of dollars on a software package no one is trained to use, and then, don't bother to buy quality documentation to train people they hire how to use it? Instead, they rely on consultants who they pay exorbitant amounts of money to hand-hold them through the process STILL without providing documentation.

At this point all I can do is laugh when someone asks me how I'm doing, or if I like my job. Because this company is a joke. I've written my letter of resignation and the first thing I'm doing Monday morning is turning that in to my brand new, fuckup of a boss. And the other IT guy that works with me, is probably leaving on Friday if not sooner. So, Mr. IT Director, who the fuck are you going to direct now?





EOD

To follow up on my previous post:

I know no one reads this journal. Hell..I wouldn't. All I post are depressed and suicidal thoughts. But that's me. I never asked to be born. I never wanted to live. I don't want to be here.


God has a sick plan for us all. We live, we hurt, we die. All the while he's watching, never helping. Yeah I could be on medication for the rest of my life, but why? I like pain. I am pain.

My life sucks. My death, will likely suck. And my afterlife..if there is such a thing will be the most horrible existence, but again that's me. The only thing that keeps me from buying a gun and blowing my brains out is the unknown. I fear not breathing, not being. And that's another sign of weakness and failure on my part.

I'm a waste of space. A waste of creation. Sure I've helped people, but really, what good have I done in my life to merit anything worthwhile in the life hereafter?


Best of luck to us all...


EOD

Holy crap...

I have blocked out so much of my early years...in fact I don't even remember anything pre-today unless people remind me about it.

Thank god, because my life is for shit.

Here's a picture from the past:

Well my job sucks, but nothing I post on here is ever positive so why start now?

I'm drinking heavily...again. Gained back 10lbs. Off my meds cuz I don't have insurance where I work right now. They are hiring a new IT manager, I applied for the job but they didn't think someone without a master's degree had much experience, so guess who they hire? Someone without a master's degree.

Fuck me...


Anyhow I'm just getting tired of this career and even more tired of responsibility. Thank god I'm not a parent because I'd be the kind of parent you read about that flips out and mass murders his kids one night due to overdrinking and stress.


Geezus..





EOD

Fuck it

Well, it's been a long time since my last post.

Here goes:

I'm in a new job now, liking it a lot. Probably going to file for divorce (no shit). I've lost almost 30 lbs.

That's it.

Short and sweet.



EOD